Irrational
by MyEdward797
Summary: A short oneshot about Edward's first night with Bella after their day in the meadow. What could have happened as Bella slept and Edward watched her, contemplating the few choices he had? R&R please!


Author's Note- Ok so this is just a oneshot about Edward's first night at Bella's house after their day at the meadow. What I thought was going through his head as he lay with her. What almost could have happened. Read and review! I want to know what you think!

Review-No, as much as I wish I did, I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. That honor goes to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.

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Irrational

I lay beside Bella that night, watching her tenderly as she slept, all the while fighting an internal battle with myself.

I should never have let her come with me today. I should never have spoken to her at all. If I truly loved her (And it was incredible, the love I felt for her. I could never have imagined myself capable of such a profound, incomprehendable love), I would leave now, before she became more attached than she already was.

It was too late for me, of course. I was already attached. I was much too attached. I was _dangerously_ attached. I loved her more than was right for a monster to love anyone. It wasn't fair to her, if I stayed with her, and in doing so, took her life away.

Because I knew that that is what it would eventually come down to. If I stayed with her, then someday, I was sure, she would want to be like me – immortal. Immortal and damned.

Selfish monster that I was, I wanted this more than anything, with all my no longer beating heart. But I knew that couldn't do that to Bella. Destroy her soul, damn her to eternal night? The very thought brought me pain.

But then, if I wouldn't eventually change her, then I had to leave, leave now. The idea hurt. I didn't want to do it. For the first time in my life, I felt whole, with her by my side. The twilight didn't seem so foreboding anymore, because now I had someone with whom I could share the ache.

But that was just it. That was why I should leave, so that I wouldn't have to burden her with the ache, the longing, the sadness. I had to let her return to the life she would have lived if monsters didn't exist. She could die like a normal human being and then go to heaven (for I was certain, more than certain, that she would go to heaven. I hadn't ever met anyone more suitable for that promise) – a place whose gates were forever barred to me.

With that thought, my resolve suddenly hardened, and I knew I had to act immediately, or I wouldn't be able to make myself go through with it.

I smoothly removed my arm from around her and sat up, all the while watching her face sadly and committing it to memory, planning in my head what I would say in the note that I had decided to leave for her. I had to leave her something.

But the movement disturbed her, and she rolled over so that she was now facing me. The moonlight streaming in through the window made her skin glow, and her sleeping features were innocent and pure. She reminded me of an angel. My angel. It hurt to know this would be the last time I saw her.

"Edward," she murmured suddenly, her voice searching, and even in sleep her face looked troubled, as if she knew what I was trying to do.

Almost an involuntary reaction, I touched her face, yearning to comfort her. "I'm here," I whispered in her ear.

"Edward," she sighed. "I love you."

And with those four words, the moment passed in which all this would have been ended.

In my mind, I knew what was right. What was logical. I should leave. But my heart screamed at me, overpowering logic, and I knew I would never be able to.

I sighed, almost in relief, as I lay back down and took her in my arms, pulling her close and stroking her angel's face. Ever so gently, I touched my lips to hers for the second time, the scent making me tremble, but there was another desire there too, and it had nothing to do with thirst.

"I love you too," I murmured, and even though I doubted she could hear me, I could swear I felt her relax in my arms. A slight smile appeared on her face, and the only thing I could do was smile in response.

But then I sighed again, disgusted at the monster within me. But I couldn't help it.

Love was just too irrational.

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Author's Note-Like it? Review and tell me!! 


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